Wanting to feel pretty..

I grew up feeling “looks” is not everything.. i don’t really care about my scarf, make ups, lipbalms etc.. but for me.. it was more the cool vibe that i would like to emit.. plus i guess.. i was young hence look was a gift at that age..

As time goes by.. i realized that it is important.. not to attract in sexual way.. but friends, first impression let it be lecturers, campus staff, cashier at walmart etc.. but it was good enough for me to live up to that standard with just moisturizer and chapstick.. then come the events.. peer pressure comes in.. i start to learn a few tricks with powder and lipstick.. i can tell you that was my first time buying one, using one to look good and dat was the last time i used it too; i dropped it and it broke into two.. *nervous laugh*

years went by and i built the interest in high heels, pumps, handbags and pretty dresses..  Then.. as my carrier progressed.. things changed completely.. i want to be pretty.. i learnt how to put make up on.. i buy fitting shirts n leggings/jeggings, skirts that would make me look tall and all that.. i know i look pretty.. i was damn confidence.. but once in awhile.. i would be so lazy n i would just end up my old me; i.e. no contact lens on, company shirt, tugged out, faded jeans and sport shoes.. it is worst than u imagine i tell ya.. haha!

I thought, with me being pretty and looking good n sext would boost my confidence.. At that point, i forgot.. that it is not so much of how u look, but it also comes from within u.. it helps when u know u look good n people would listen to you.. but if u r better with what u do, look is not everything..

Even when i was with my ex-es, i do feel the need of seeing pretty and sometimes now that i think of it, it is inappropriate.. everything is too tight and showing off.. and its when i got married, MasyaAllah.. i have again turned 180 deg.. i still want to look pretty, but for my husband.. i want to look appropriately pretty outside, because i dont want people to say bad words to my husband.. i want to make others jealous of my husband..

Yes.. sometimes i do feel like i want to put good makeups on.. try pretty scarves and pretty dresses but some just.. not covering up as much.. i know i am not completely a good muslim.. but insyaAllah, i am trying to get there.. and that is the only reminder when i see pretty girls *with or without hijabs* that i want to be near to God and i want to take care of husbands relationship with God.. im still far off but i am working towards that..

And in the end.. looking pretty and beautiful in Husband’s and God’s eye are the ultimate beauty one lady would wish for..

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2 thoughts on “Wanting to feel pretty..

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