Monthly Archives: September 2014

Wanting to feel pretty..

I grew up feeling “looks” is not everything.. i don’t really care about my scarf, make ups, lipbalms etc.. but for me.. it was more the cool vibe that i would like to emit.. plus i guess.. i was young hence look was a gift at that age..

As time goes by.. i realized that it is important.. not to attract in sexual way.. but friends, first impression let it be lecturers, campus staff, cashier at walmart etc.. but it was good enough for me to live up to that standard with just moisturizer and chapstick.. then come the events.. peer pressure comes in.. i start to learn a few tricks with powder and lipstick.. i can tell you that was my first time buying one, using one to look good and dat was the last time i used it too; i dropped it and it broke into two.. *nervous laugh*

years went by and i built the interest in high heels, pumps, handbags and pretty dresses..  Then.. as my carrier progressed.. things changed completely.. i want to be pretty.. i learnt how to put make up on.. i buy fitting shirts n leggings/jeggings, skirts that would make me look tall and all that.. i know i look pretty.. i was damn confidence.. but once in awhile.. i would be so lazy n i would just end up my old me; i.e. no contact lens on, company shirt, tugged out, faded jeans and sport shoes.. it is worst than u imagine i tell ya.. haha!

I thought, with me being pretty and looking good n sext would boost my confidence.. At that point, i forgot.. that it is not so much of how u look, but it also comes from within u.. it helps when u know u look good n people would listen to you.. but if u r better with what u do, look is not everything..

Even when i was with my ex-es, i do feel the need of seeing pretty and sometimes now that i think of it, it is inappropriate.. everything is too tight and showing off.. and its when i got married, MasyaAllah.. i have again turned 180 deg.. i still want to look pretty, but for my husband.. i want to look appropriately pretty outside, because i dont want people to say bad words to my husband.. i want to make others jealous of my husband..

Yes.. sometimes i do feel like i want to put good makeups on.. try pretty scarves and pretty dresses but some just.. not covering up as much.. i know i am not completely a good muslim.. but insyaAllah, i am trying to get there.. and that is the only reminder when i see pretty girls *with or without hijabs* that i want to be near to God and i want to take care of husbands relationship with God.. im still far off but i am working towards that..

And in the end.. looking pretty and beautiful in Husband’s and God’s eye are the ultimate beauty one lady would wish for..

Things happened for a reason

As cliché as it sounds, it is for real people..

There are things back in my past that I really regret doing.. I regret it so much that sometimes I felt ashamed of myself.. I made bad decisions.. I just hope it doesn’t get back to me.. To Him I pray for my better life in the future..

But, if not because of events happening in the past, I might not be me today.. If not because of that bad and stupid decision I made, I won’t be as patient as I am today.. and if it is not because of those events and bad decisions mix together, I won’t be married to the love of my life today..

*mind you.. mood gedik and reminiscence ni sebab kene tinggal ngan suami for rezeki yang halal untuk keluarga, katenye.. ameen~~*

I hate reminiscing my old past.. I was too gullible… I was to nice.. and some incidents, I was just too stupid.. Wasn’t even thinking and making decision out of emotions.. Everyone learn new traits/experience day in and day out.. whether the hard way or the nice way.. too bad if you bumped into the hard way..

antara perkara yang aku regret most, is moving to my current work.. aku terlalu mengikut perasaan kerana bos yang ego tinggi.. aku pun same je.. bila ada “good offer” depan mata, siapa pun jadi buta.. samada nak sedar atau tidak je.. aku kurang bijak dengan perasaan.. actually.. untuk kerja ni je, aku buta.. selama ni, aku buat research.. bukak website paling kurang.. tanya orang sana sini.. tapi kerja ni, aku terima dgn hati terbuka.. da masuk, baru nak tengok website.. not promising at all.. there was nothing.. blog aku yang tak update ni pun lagi banyak benda.. hehe..

bulan pertama.. msih berfikiran positif.. company SME (small medium enterprise).. so tak ramai orang and most of the stuff, kene tolong each other.. for me, orang kat ofis bagi aku buat IT and marketing stuff.. Takde laa handal, tapi boleh laa buat dan tolong yang mana mampu.. after awhile.. gaji tak bayar dua bulan.. job pun tak masuk.. politik cam shial.. so I got fedup.. motivasi untuk kerja hilang.. cuma datang untuk kawan kawan and free wifi.. bukan taknak buat kerja.. tapi kerja pun takde.. kene cari kerja sendiri..

Doing business development & planning definitely ade sangkut paut ngan duit.. tp, gaji pun susah nak settle, apetah lagi nak buat marketing.. so lebih kurang terkubur jer.. Alhamdulillah though, things have gone from definitely-die scenario to worst scenario.. so.. da boleh laa bernafas.. gaji wpun lambt.. tapi still berbayar up-to-date.. cuma ada laa yang blom berbayar.. especially bos2 gaji besar nak mati.. with a new business development director on board, things have gone quite promising. walaupun die masuk, duit dalam akaun kompeni maseh takde, tapi sekurang-kurangnya, kalau CEO nak something, die tak terime seadanya.. he is very practical.. so aku suke.. die tau ape yang boleh, dan ape tak boleh..

Tapi.. aku masih risau ngan kompeni ni regardless…

konklusi, sile roger kalau ade keje kosong yang best.. hahahaha